It just feels like everything was falling apart today. Maintaining simply became too much to handle. It felt like being on a fast spinning merry go round and losing my grip.
Actually I did lose my grip. I rattled off to Doug about how much everything sucked and how I didn't want to be here anymore. I just wanted to escape the entire situation, feeling hopeless. He quickly pointed out that I've been acting like I am the only one of us trying to deal in our current situation.
I have been so sucked into my emotional and physical pain that I barely see him,yet I have been expecting him to prop me up. If I treated him half as good as he takes care of me, we'd both be in better places.
Until today we'd been in separate pods going through this trial, but I have consciously decided to step into Doug's pod and take care of my husband. If I continue to look up to God and look next to me, at the husband by my side and focus my energy there, it will leave much less time for wallowing.
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