need healing

On top of our heavy hearts concerning our son (and baby brother) being in the NICU, sickness has directly affected each member of my family at home, which doesn't help our efforts to be healthy.

I am nearly 3 full weeks into recovering from a c-section. It's hard to rest appropriately when you want to (and feel obligated) to visit your son in NICU at least once every day. So far, I've only been making it once, but I feel like I should be there more often and for longer durations. As soon as Squish was born, since I planned to breastfeed him like I did Fluff (for 13 months), it was immediately explained to me that I needed to be pumping breast milk 6 to 8 times a day and for 15 minutes each. I very quickly realized that 6 to 8 times per day would not work with my needing to rest, but I felt guilty not pumping as often as prescribed by the lactation consultant. My body's weakened immune system, in addition to my lack of rest and poor diet contributed to the absolute WORST case of thrush I've ever had. Unfortunately, as soon as it dawned on me that thrush had once again reared it's ugly head (within a week of Ian's birth), I also noticed some issues with my incision and had to be seen by my doctor. She prescribed me a round of antibiotics to clear up a possible infection. The antibiotics catapulted my case of thrush directly into hell. It's been a nightmare trying to manage all of my linens and clothes. Thankfully I have Doug to wash and sterilize all of my pump stuff daily, which is a great help. He told me yesterday that I reminded him of Sally from the Nightmare Before Christmas, with all of my aches, pains and infections, not to mention my body is also doing its basic postpartum body repair. It feels like I will never be together, but I have to be some day.

Doug had not been feeling well the past few days, so he went to the doctor last night to find out that he has some kind of viral infection in his throat. Of course this means he won't be seeing Squish until he's well, hopefully by this Monday.  I know he's hurting that he doesn't feel well and can't see our son on top of all of that.

We took Fluff to the doctor on Tuesday to get a body rash checked out and he referred us to the dermatologist, whom we visited today (on the same floor of the hospital as Squish). The started in her diaper area and is pretty much taking over my poor baby's little body. She was prescribed a couple of medications and we are changing her body lotion. She may have the lanolin sensitivity that I had as a little girl. I hope the rash responds to treatment, because it's making Fluff miserable. I feel like I dropped the ball. We should have taken her to the doctor sooner, before it got this bad. I've been so caught up in my own health and being devastated about Squish, that she got lost in the shuffle. I'm going to do better from now on. She's my baby too.