my help comes from the Lord

After tonight's visit with Ian, I held myself together enough to get back to the parking garage and into the van before falling into a puddle of tears behind the wheel. I pulled it back together so that I could see and be alert enough to drive. As soon as I pulled out of the parking garage, "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns came on. The lyrics are included below. It seemed like the song was being played for me in this moment "As the thunder rolls, I barely hear Your whisper through the rain 'I'm with you'".

The next time I am in the NICU with my son, I will be listening for God's voice... reaching for His presence and comfort. I will push through the tears and rely on the Lord's strength for my family and especially for my Ian. He should not have to open his eyes and see a sorrowful mommy.  Just like Doug flashed me a winning smile in the operating room when our son came out and wasn't breathing like he needed to, I must put on my warm, loving game face for Ian. How else is he supposed to know that everything will be alright?

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]