Today my mom, dad and youngest sister drove up from GA for the holiday.
What is it about moms? I saw mom and the rest of the family shortly after leaving the hospital. Mom greeted me with a "hey sweetie". Then, clearly seeing my vulnerability like a scarf hanging out of a shallow pocket, went for it--she just YANKED it out into the open. She told me it looked like I had been crying, which I confirmed. She went on to ask if it was because Ian wasn't going to be home for Thanksgiving. "Yes," I cracked and released a few tears.
What is it about a simple inquiry that turns a loosely-retained pile of emotions into a full-fledged unstoppable overflow? My mom can read me like a book, despite how closed off I've been lately. On the one hand it may seem uncanny, but on the other hand, I lived with this woman for 20 or so years. She has seen my "ugly cry face" countless times. She's seen it evolve from that of a little girl who was emotionally disoriented splitting holidays between biological parents to that of a grown woman with major life trials.
I would bet that she'd say the face hasn't changed all. I wonder if she sees little girl-Crystal when she looks at me sometimes. It is a blessing to have a close relationship with your mother... And for her to still be around.
Today ( Nov 21st) was actually mom's birthday. I don't ever forget her birthday, but I hesitated saying happy birthday to her because I was in such a bad place today. I believe that birthday wishes should come from a warm, sunshiny place...so I procrastinated, thinking I would feel better a little later on, but it never happened. I never was able to pull my soul from up off of the floor and give the warm birthday greeting I aimed for. Instead, it looked like I had forgotten.
Maybe Eeyore's storm cloud will go hover elsewhere later today, instead of Doug and I, so that we can enjoy Thanksgiving.
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