shell

Am I really a shell of my former self or is it that I've always just been nothing more than a shell? Only this time, unlike the others, I can't run away or avoid the things in my life that I must confront, the things I must deal with and work through to press on and move beyond this slump I've been in for what seems the past 20 years. 

My life is a mess, emotionally and physically and I'm out of options. I've decided to seek order in the best way that I've been taught, to seek God. It's not so much that my life is a mess as it is that I'm the mess. I don't know how to place one foot in front of the other or the direction in which I should go. Sometimes, I feel like my job is the only thing I'm good at... and that's only on days I feel like I'm doing a good job. Most days I feel worthless at work and at home, like why am I even here? What am I doing with my life? How did it all come to this? I am so lost.